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Jeff Dunham

Started by Penny. Last reply by G.O.L DARK RAVEN ONE S.O.L Mar 23, 2014. 1 Reply

Jeff Dunham is a well-known…Continue

Jeff Dunham

Started by Penny Mar 23, 2014. 0 Replies

Jeff Dunham is a well-known…Continue

Doctor's Advice

Started by G.O.L DARK RAVEN ONE S.O.L. Last reply by Magistar Sep 6, 2010. 1 Reply

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually..…Continue

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Comment by Magistar on October 1, 2010 at 9:05am
Jesus Knows You're Here"

cid:60FA59CA00444B539208EE3AB9CE563E@JennyPC
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and
continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
cid:BE813F99826441C4A95836C21BFA6B19@JennyPC

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Comment by Magistar on September 29, 2010 at 9:38am
Truths in Life


1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical

impossibility.







2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.









3. And discover #1 is a lie.




4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.




5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.




6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .




I sincerely apologize about this, but I'm an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options...delete it, or send it along to put a smile on someone's face today.
Comment by Magistar on September 28, 2010 at 11:24am
Comment by Magistar on September 21, 2010 at 11:56pm
at Is Generation Y?

Well, I've always wondered about this myself..

& now I know.

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation,

The Baby Boomers are people born between

1946 and 1959.

Generation X, are the people who have been born between 1960 and 1979.

And Generation Y, are the people born between

1980 and 2009.

So, why do we call the last group Generation Y?

I never really knew until I saw a cartoon which

explained it very eloquently below...& it sure

makes sense, doesn't it!








cid:1.3976824460@web38404.mail.mud.yahoo.com


Now, make someone else laugh. And have a

great day.
Comment by Magistar on September 21, 2010 at 9:36am
ough I don't own a Gun, especially # 1...Swanee




Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...EBEAE1B18DD54E11AEFF1968A51CB7D7

And here we go...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reasonWhy Men Prefer Guns Over Women.....



5B9926D76CDE46EFAC99A5B80CDB1DCC

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun
Comment by Magistar on September 17, 2010 at 2:04am
an is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign
> out of the corner of his eye....
>
>
>
> It reads:
>
>
>
> SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> 10 MILES
>
>
>
> He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
> thought....
>
> Soon he sees another sign which reads:
>
> SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> 5 MILES
>
>
>
> Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
> a third sign saying:
>
> SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> NEXT RIGHT
>
>
>
> His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far
> side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the
> door reading :
>
>
>
> SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
>
>
>
> He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
> long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
>
> He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
> possibly doing business....'
>
> 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
> passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and
> tells the man, 'Please knock on this door..'
>
> He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
> door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through
> the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
>
> He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
> door pulling it shut behind him.
>
> The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another
> sign :
>
> GO IN PEACE.
>
> YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY ALL THE SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS.
>
>
Comment by Magistar on September 17, 2010 at 2:01am
COUNTRY WISDOM



An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
1. A Bible... 2. A silver dollar... 3. A bottle of whisky... 4. And a Playboy magazine...

I'll just hide behind the door,"the old preacher said to himself. When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy, he's gonna run for Congress."
Comment by The Lady Ella HPS on September 16, 2010 at 2:30am
lololol...good one
Comment by Magistar on September 16, 2010 at 2:20am
randma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed..

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! ;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
Comment by Magistar on September 10, 2010 at 3:06am
he Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 90 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them




If you don't forward
this to 1 of your friends within
the next 5 minutes your belly
button will unscrew and your
butt will fall off.
Really.... It's true
 

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