Purple is the color of royalty, charm, meditation, idealism, divination, progress, justice, mysticism, devotion, clairvoyance, luck, accomplishment and religion. In magick, purple is employed for protection, power, legal matters, divination, progress, the breaking of bad luck, the access of higher realms, driving away evil, to stop gossip or lies, material wealth, spirit contact and to enhance spiritual and psychic powers.
Purple is the color of your crown chakra, connecting you to Divinity and your Higher Self.
I became something far beyond a spouse and partner, something I'm not sure I ever should have been. I became the gate-keeper, the nurse, the disciplinarian, and the Keeper-Of-The-Pills. I became responsible for all those things in my husband's life that my husband should have been responsible for himself. And along the way, I lost my purple.
When you lose your purple, you don't realize you're losing it right away. It fades gradually, eventually disappearing all together. It suddenly dawns on you, unexpectedly, triggered by an event, a disappointment, a confrontation, exasperation, desperation, or exhaustion. You abruptly raise your head above the dark grim focused world you've been immersed in; you look around; and you are acutely aware of the poisonous negative energy surrounding you. You are shockingly aware of the absence of your purple. It was a stark, clarifying, defining moment for me.
You suddenly have to ask yourself, "How much of "Me" am I willing to sacrifice for this person?"...a season? a life time? "What am I willing to sacrifice for this person?"...all other personal relationships? financial security? peace of mind? It's a somber moment of introspection.
You realize, in the back of your mind, that this needy unpredictable troubled individual may not survive without your discipline, your determination, your strength. You have to reach a moment, a heartbreaking illuminating moment, when you finally say..."Me first."
You have to reach a primal raw wild place in your soul, where the idea of self-preservation resides. Only when you arrive at this point where you care about yourself and your future more than you care about someone else's destiny, can you turn a magickal corner.
Once this happens...it's time to find your purple.